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Wed, Nov. 13th, 2013, 10:25 pm
paradiselost19: Suicide

P.s. I never considered suicide. That would be a dick move toward so many in my life ( my parents would kind of deserve to deal with the aftermath of that) but I love my sisters , my fiancée, my dogs, my friends and I would never be do selfish as to consider suicide for a second. That's cowardly . Bring the pain

Wed, Nov. 13th, 2013, 10:17 pm
paradiselost19: I suck

I applied it to medical school as a rock-star. I was so motivated because I had only things to be proud of and nothing to be ashamed of. I had a 36 MCAT. I was soon to graduate with distinction from a top U.S. University, and you couldn't have added anything to my resume to make it more perfect. At that same top U.S. University, I had met my sweetheart. I was going into medicine because I had found my way there from humble beginnings but she was there because it was expected of her. She had lived a childhood of privilege with two physician parents. When we met, she was doubting medicine as a career for herself and I had turned her around, being that I was so motivated toward physicianhood. Her stats were far less impressive than mine but nevertheless we set off to gain acceptance to medical school, attending together. She did get offers at some prestigious medical schools, as did I ,but the only school that we linked-up and were both accepted to was the state school of her home state ( not necessarily a state that you want to brag about being associated with). But okay, we were going to go to medical school and we were going to get to do it together! Right from the start, I hated the program and loathed the location and inhabitants of the region. I felt that I deserve better and all I did was wine instead of study. I should have just been appreciative to be in a U.S. medical school program but I was not mature enough at the time to realize this. My lady however, just put her nose down to the grind and did her job. due to my attitude, I clashed all-along with the administration and they finally got rid of me in my third year of the curriculum (swindled into voluntary withdrawal in a moment of weakness ). Suddenly I realized what a privilege I had spoiled and felt so depressed about having squandered it. What to do? I felt like it was a bad option but my lady's parents talked me into going to some no-name start-up for-profit Caribbean school that is licensed for residency and practice in few of the United States. In the meantime, ( and by virtue of her medical heritage but mostly her superhuman charm and beauty) my fiancee has completed the majority of a radiology residency. So here I am finishing up the last couple weeks surrounded by students who are so less adequate than me to practice medicine at this goofy school to get some degree that's not worth the paper it's printed on. Oh well ,we are still genuinely in love and I guess she will eventually pay both of our loans off with her radiology $. Would have been awesome to be a doctor by now also. Would be nice having some chance of maintaining the masculine role in the relationship too (I have done web searches for things such as " highest student loan debt ever" and the numbers that come up make me giggle. That's chump change compared to the hole I'm in) My wife-to-be is even so good that she got the heavy hitters at her institution to make all the appropriate calls to get me a residency match. The problem is that ,by state law ,(of the state in which she is currently training (and several other states) my fly-by-night current medical school is not even recognized as worthy to practice or train as a physician.

I recently did an away rotation at my fiancées radiology program, during which time I was under the direction of osteopathic graduates, Who were not only DO's but should have been behind me in training had my original plans gone more smoothly.If my balls tuck any more tightly up into my body they will be coming up through my throat into my mouth. Keep on truckin

Mon, Dec. 6th, 2004, 05:59 pm
icequeenaranxta: First topic of discussion: How to handle stress?

    First, I would like to welcome those who have joined, and apologize for not having started any stimulating discussion threads. Blame it on all the thesis work I've had to do.
    Second, let me encourage anyone who's managed to find their way here to join, if you think this community is at all pertinent to you or your current situation. We'll never be able to build a support network if there aren't people here to support each other. As I said before, I'm moderating membership right now simply to make sure no one tries to spam this community; if that's making you think twice about joining, please, go ahead and join.
    Third, I thought I might as well post a topic and try to stimulate some discussion here. The topic? Well, simply put, how do you deal with stress? For example, if you've just failed a psychiatry exam and you have to pass the next two with perfect scores in order to pass the course, how do you deal with that sort of stress?
    I'll post my personal solutions in a few days (I have to have a thesis proposal turned in by Thursday)... meantime, happy holidays to all, and please, remember, it will get better eventually.

Your faithful maintainer A.

Wed, Oct. 6th, 2004, 01:41 pm
icequeenaranxta: What this community is, why it exists, and rules for posting

    I began my journey as a medical student in fall 2000, when I began medical school. Two years, an irritated administration, lots of psychological therapy, two antidepressants, and one failed class later, I left. Thanks both to the acrimonious situation that caused me to leave and the state of my academic record, I will probably never again be eligible for admittance into another medical school.
    It's been tough trying to free myself from a medically-oriented mindset I've had my entire life, as well as tough to find a new profession to pursue; while I have support irl that's enabled me to find a new profession, I've been mainly unsuccessful in finding anyone who understands just how devastating losing medical school has been for me. I decided to found this community after recently browsing through LiveJournal's communities and finding that there are communities for pre-med students, medical students, and physicians, but none for those of us who pursued our dream and failed in some way or other. I'm assuming that I'm probably not the only one who needs a sympathetic ear from someone who's been in the same situation, and I also want to help build a support system for those of us who are still grieving the loss of physicianhood, whether it was because we were poor academics, or failed the USMLE Step 2 one time too many, or who, for whatever reasons, could not finish medical school and gain licensure.
    I also went into a deep depression my first year of medical school; it was so bad that one October afternoon, I almost literally jumped out of a third-floor window. Only the knowledge that a very close friend of mine was expecting a telephone call from me kept me from becoming a messy mass on the pavement below. I know that many other medical students, as well as residents and physicians, also become depressed; physicians have one of the highest suicide rates among professionals in the U.S. I also want this community to serve as a support group for those students and residents who might not know where to turn for help or who need the understanding and support of others who are (or were) depressed.

2) Don't make suicide threats on the forum -- while we are here for emotional support, we can't easily get you the help you need. Also, I know many suicide threats are manipulative and not intentional, and anyone making manipulative threats WILL be reported to LiveJournal for misuse of the community.
3) Even though I have allowed for posting by non-members, I strongly suggest that if you are a member of the target audiences for this community, that you join it; in the future I'm contemplating doing some special things for members.
4) New members must be approved my me. Please include some information about yourself on the forum or in an email so I can evaluate your candidacy more easily; the minimum I need to know is what med school you attend, what year you are, and your LiveJournal handle. Information about what country your school is in is appreciated, but not necessary.
5) I'm in two MA programs right now, and am about to begin an internship, so if it takes me more than three days to approve your membership, please contact me at Aranxta1@yahoo.com and let me know I haven't considered you yet (put "Accepted or Rejected?" in the subject line of the email.)
6) Anonymous posts are NOT allowed. So don't try.
7) I have enabled logging of IP addresses solely to be able to report abusers.
8) Spammers will be reported and blocked. So will anyone posting messages that promote their non-related communities.
9) No porn or obscene material. Those posting such materials will be reported for abuse of posting privileges and banned from this community.
10) DON'T flame, start arguments, or insult others. That's not what this community is for.
11) If I begin to have problems with abuses of the forum, I WILL make it members-only and require all posts be approved by myself before posting, kick out/ban abusers, report abusers to LiveJournal, and generally make this community as protected and isolated as I can. I want those who use this forum to feel safe and give them support through hard times, and problems prevent those goals from being achieved and prevent people from being helped.
12) Posts on unrelated topics are allowed, and welcomed, since people can get to know each other better and become friends through discussing different topics. Just make sure the posts don't overwhelm the objectives of this community. Posts promoting non-medicine related communites are prohibited, however.
13) Yes, number 12 means you can whine about how hard grading is in you pharmacology class, or eulogize your failing the USMLE, or reflect on how depressed (or happy) you've been since quitting med school, or respond to a first-year student's query as to whether Lexapro is more effective than Prozac, or offer your support to those who are going through hard times, or talk about how R.E.M.'s new album both is very musically sparse and reflects your current mood, or ask if anyone's intersted in kayaking, or relate your experience overcoming depression. That sort of posting I don't mind. I just don't want there to be arguments, insults, attempts at manipulating others, spamming, promoting of unrelated communities, or obscene material.
14) Please have fun/use us for support... and know that you're not alone.